DID

Dissociation and Relationship with God

This site is dedicated to helping DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) survivors heal. To that end, connection to and then relationship with the One True and Eternal God is critical. Many, many survivors have one or more parts that want God to help them. If survivors are in cults, even with strong cult activity, it’s still possible to know and have a relationship with Jesus who will help them get out. That could be you, reading this in great fear and trepidation. I can say with assurance, that it’s possible to get out. Is it easy? NO. But it’s possible. God knows the way.

An amazing aspect of God is that He’s everywhere all the time. NOTHING has happened to you that He doesn’t already know about. This is one of the amazing aspects of God. Even in a completely non-coconscious system (a system in which individual personalities are unaware of each other), God knows ALL the various parts or personalities in your system. He knows how they were programmed. He knows all about the evil done to them. He knows all the evil they did and may still be doing. He knows about each cult member, what they did, and how they may be related to you. He knows about all the generations in a cult. He knows the deep secrets of the government that they think no one could possibly know. He knows. Period. He knows everything.

God never changes. Ever. If you turn to Him, no matter what you did in the past or what you’re involved in now, He wants to free you. Unlike Satan and the cult, He won’t trick you, abuse you, or go against your free will. All people who are DID, no matter what the cause, had their free will violated as children. Anyone who was so abused as a child that they had to dissociate had their free will violated. GOD NEVER DOES THAT. He created humanity to have free will.

All people everywhere have two choices to make. They can desire and agree to follow Jesus and become a child of God, OR they can ignore or reject that opportunity. It doesn’t really matter whether one ignores God or goes completely against God, if a person doesn’t choose God and make Jesus their Lord and Savior in this life, for all eternity they are separated from God in hell. The bizarre thing is that even if one has parts that are trapped in cult activities, if a Primary Identity (a reflection of the real you: see What does it Mean to be a Personality) gives their heart to Jesus, you are HIS! During my own healing process, Jesus told me this directly. He honored the choice a young Primary Identity in me made, despite a life of horrible sin for many decades after that.

There are lots of scenarios that can happen to a Christian person with DID, especially if they are in a cult or government programmed. Some cults actually work out of churches. There can be parts that lead a “good” Christian life; they may even pastor a church and be involved in many good works. However, the cult doesn’t want any part to become Holy Spirit filled (see Baptism in the Holy Spirit in Hearing God) and completely devoted to God. In my experience, being filled with Holy Spirit makes it imperative that a person be out of the cult. That was the final blow to my living the life that I had known. As a Primary Presenter (read more here), I was Baptized in the Holy Spirit, and the internal tension of Holy Spirit within and the satanic agenda within made me totally non-functional. I was no longer usable.

However, many nominal Christians are able to lead dual lives due the dissociation and amnesia in DID. It’s shocking how many churches do satanic rituals on Saturday night, and serve as a church on Sunday morning. I doubt there are any statistics, but it’s very often reported by survivors. I know of one survivor personally who is from a family of generational Satanists who were also pastors. Now, is it possible that the pastor parts were truly saved, i.e. completely devoted to God, having given all authority over to Jesus? I doubt it. I suspect they were programmed parts who simply were trained to be pastors as a front. Nonetheless, you can see that the spiritual aspects within a person can be mixed. However, when one truly wants Jesus, Jesus wins.

Spirit, Soul, and Body

Before we go on, I need to explain some concepts that become very important in healing DID. Each of us has a body (which may seem to house many parts or personalities), a soul = mind/will/and emotion (which is divided in DID), and a spirit. Essentially no one, unless they’re trained, pays any attention to their spirit. Yet it is our spirit that came from God and is renewed/ made alive at salvation. Our spirit is not dependent in any way on our body, but our body must retain the spirit for it to remain living. Some aspect of the spirit must remain, even though other aspects may be injured or removed by the cult (a highly controversial topic, but I go on what I know from my own experience and that of many others). Satanist know a lot more about the human spirit than 99.9% of Christians. The human spirit comes at the time of conception. In deep inner healing work, it’s been shown over and over and over again, that the fetus has “memory” – long before there is a functioning brain. That memory is held by the spirit. So there is mind/will/emotion in the soul AND spirit. Some would argue (me included) that the body also has a mind/will/emotion, but we’ll leave that for now. Our relationship with GOD involves our spirit, soul, and body, but our spirit has the closest relationship with God. Ultimately, it is our human spirit that becomes ONE with Holy Spirit. Because we are spirit, soul, and body from conception, what happens in utero can impact our relationship with God. So as we look at what influences our free will and our choosing God, we need to examine ALL of our life, from conception to the present.

In DID there are many obstacles that can inhibit us from relationship with God

Now let’s talk about issues that block one’s relationship with God. God loves you. God wants to speak with you. If you’re not convinced of that, read my previous blog on Hearing God. However, WE often keep God away, knowingly and unknowingly. We may want to get help, but for many reasons we’re afraid. We may have parts who believe all sorts of lies about God. We may have made vows, either in the context of a cult or in early childhood, that God still honors. He won’t break our vows until we renounce them. We may believe all sorts of lies about what will happen if we reach out to God, held by parts that we don’t even know about. The list goes on and on. The fantastic thing is that God KNOWS all the reasons, and He can and will reveal them to us, if we ask. Now let’s talk about some of the most common obstructions, based upon my own journey and that of those with DID with whom I’ve had some association.

God’s Maleness

The first one I want to touch on is not specific to DID, but is common among children of both genders who are sexually abused, and that is the male factor. God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (For more information on that read Hearing God). Despite that God created humankind in His own image as male and female, and therefore He encompasses both genders, He is referred to as Father. Jesus called Him Father. Jesus came as God in human flesh as a male. One can look at all the words in the original languages of the Bible for Holy Spirit and come up with some that are feminine, but it’s a hard case to make that Holy Spirit should be considered female. (NOTE: The heresies in Christendom, many of which are central to cults and secret societies, are actually based on worship of female deities. It’s easy to search this out for yourself.) For women, in particular, who have been abused by a dad, brothers, uncles, male cousins, and/or all the horrific torture and rape on the part of men in cult rituals, it’s pretty hard to comprehend a loving or trustworthy male figure.

In my own healing journey and in the lives of the people that I have helped in the healing journey, this can be an enormous block to being set free. From an earthly perspective, it’s quite easy to take the Old Testament of the Bible and determine that God is a misogynist. Certainly, the patriarchal system that was part of historical Judaism had little concern for women, and these were the people to whom God chose to reveal himself. So it takes quite a bit of Bible familiarity to understand that when Jesus came, He was a strong advocate for women. The Apostle Paul made it quite clear that for those who are saved, there is to be no male nor female. All are equal. Gal 3:28 says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female – for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” While I believe that many Christian denominations seriously err in their interpretation of Scripture regarding women (and lots of other things for that matter), I absolutely understand how many women can read the Bible and conclude that God hates women. I strongly held that opinion for many, many years.

In the healing process it’s absolutely essential that the survivor is able to develop some trust relationship. Ultimately, Jesus is the healer. All healing comes from God. It’s great if one has a counselor in whom one can trust over time, but not everyone has that luxury. [In my case the only available counselor was male, so in order to proceed with healing at all, my Primary Presenter (check out the types of personalities here) tested him to the point of trusting him in her mind, while others personalities feared him, and most “determined” that he could only be safe if he were not human; therefore, most of the Alter Identities pretended he was simply a chair – not human at all. Otherwise, it just was not safe. This is not optimal, but I note it here because it CAN work.]

Ultimately, one has to trust Jesus or Holy Spirit or The Father. Most survivors, when faced with Jesus, learn to trust Him. How does that happen? There are LOTS of inner healing techniques available that bring a person “face-to-face”, in a manner of speaking, with God in the spirit realm. Younger parts (either Primary or Alter Personalities) in a DID system are usually the easiest to start with. Jesus will either meet the part in a good memory (as in Immanual Approach) or in a traumatic memory (as in Theophostic, Restoring the Foundations, and many others). Jesus will even meet with parts that absolutely HATE Him, curse Him, and want nothing to do with Him because He is male – or God – or whatever lie they believe. No matter what the interaction contains, eventually His character (patient, trustworthy, kind, loving, caring, gentle, with zero condemnation) wins the person over. He can heal their pain, guilt, shame, unforgiveness, trauma……even though He is male. He can be extremely sensitive to the person’s fear of His being male. Because of the DEEP sexual shame that most survivors carry, He sometimes goes to extreme circumstances to show how He, too, suffered horrible shame on the cross. Eventually, as more and more and more parts of a system come to know Him at this deep level, the fact that He’s male becomes less of an issue.

In my experience with helping a number of survivors, I believe most of the male-related issues with the Godhead pertain to God the Father. Hatred against God is extremely common. This hatred often stems from false beliefs about male dominance and issues of authority, rather than a fear of being harmed sexually. Simplistically, the subconscious belief is that Jesus will rape you and The Father will punish you. The depth of this fear is never to be underestimated. I think deeply wounded people can read and read and read about God and study the Bible for decades yet never understand anything about God’s character- until they meet Him. Jesus is very willing to take various personalities to God the Father. I’ve sat in countless Christian conferences that condemn what I’m saying, but to me the truth is in the fruit of the interaction. I’ve witnessed Jesus taking many Alter and Primary Personalities to God for direct interaction. Does it make one believe in and love God more? Absolutely! Can the God of all creation who sits in heaven as inapproachable light somehow make himself into a form that can hold a child. Totally. He’s a Father. Can one experience that God IS love and that He has mercy and compassion on His children no matter what they’ve done? Yes. Given what many survivors have gone through, I think that it’s ONLY by EXPERIENCE that they can know the Love of God. People with DID, with all the sexual abuse and torture, have no reason to expect that God doesn’t lie and wants to heal them. They need an encounter with the One, True, and Living God. All the reading, Bible memorization, and sermons in the world can’t get you there. YOU need to meet the Lord. For more information on how to begin this journey read Hearing God.

The Issue of Evil

Society, as a rule, trains us that when things go wrong, it’s God’s fault. If one has all of the trauma needed to form DID, and especially if there is satanism involved, it’s a given that somewhere along the line God has been blamed. For millennia people have struggled with the question: If God is good, why do bad things happen? Generally, when I speak with a survivor about this issue, I’ll be confronted with one or more parts who state with disgust, “Now you’re going to lecture me about this free will thing!!!!” Well, yes. That free will thing. It’s one of the enormous differences between Satan and God. For the most part, it’s also a huge difference between the majority of people and God. God grants free will – ALWAYS. He never forces or coerces. He loves and explains; people choose. Our abusers chose badly. Ultimately, they will pay, but not before a lot of people get hurt and/or die. From the beginning of time humans have asserted their will over others. There are many Biblical examples where people were physically rescued by God or God aided various armies in battle, but the whole of history is incredibly tragic. Yet it was human choice to not live in relationship with God that allowed Satan to have dominion over the earth. Yes, it IS Satan’s influence, but it’s the choice of individual humans to follow his evil schemes rather than live as family in God’s perfect design for us. So among survivors, there is plenty of room for righteous anger. Huge! But it has to be directed against the perpetrators and the demonic beings that empower them. God LONGS to save and heal, but He also won’t violate our free will. If for whatever reason we say NO inside, He will leave us alone. We have to understand that God is NOT evil. He is absolute love, truth, justice, and righteousness. In fact, righteousness and justice are the foundations of His throne (See Psalm 89:14). Yet, He is willing to allow us complete free will. In other words, we have to let Him come into our lives.

How do we say “NO” to God?

Inner vows: ALL people, abused or otherwise, may have at some point in their lives asserted their own will over that of God. One of the best places where this is explained is the book Transformation of the Inner Man. I recommend this book to all Christians. Unfortunately, many of us make this assertion when we’re little children, or even in the womb. The scenario happens whenever an essential need isn’t met. The child determines that to get what they need, or to even survive, the child has to take over their own care. An inner vow is made that….I’ll never depend on anyone (including God), I’ll hate anyone who comes near me, I’ll never love anyone, I’ll be perfect and when I’m perfect people will care for me, I’ll never let any needs be known and then they will like me, ……….. The list is endless. The result of these vows is that we’ve now determined by our own free will that we either won’t accept help, don’t want help, or we’ve set the conditions under which anyone (including God) is allowed to help. One can argue, “Well, I was a child/infant/fetus. That doesn’t count.” But it does. God honors our free will above all things. God is searching for a people to be in relationship with Him, entirely of their own free will. He will not force, coerce, bribe (help people without their permission), or do anything to make them love Him. It’s critical that we freely choose Him. In the meantime, we’re stuck in a fallen world in which Satan is the Prince of the Power of the Air, i.e. he’s in charge until we “opt out”. We all need to ask God where we may have made inner vows, and renounce them.

Cult vows: Cult vows are an obvious inhibition to relationship to God. (At this point if you don’t know the difference between a Primary Personality and an Alter Personality, I’d strongly recommend that you go back and read What does it Mean to be a Personality) If a Primary Personality has made a decision to be loyal to Satan and the cult, this is a huge, but not impossible, block to seeking God. If an Alter Personality has made such a vow, it’s a problem, but it’s easily worked through. Why the difference? A Primary Personality is close to and represents the real YOU. Alter Personalities are simply split off to take care of trauma and irreconcilable conflicts that don’t impact your identity. For a Primary Personality to say they are in allegiance to Satan, it’s as if the real you has agreed, EVEN IF IT WERE UNDER CONDITIONS OF TORTURE. Most commonly, the Primary Presenter (the Primary Personality most close to the original self) makes another Primary Personality to be cult-loyal. Therefore, she/he is separated from that commitment, and may be entirely unaware that that aspect of her/him even exists. Certainly, all sorts of variations do exist, but my experience, to date, has been that there are one or more Primary Personalities and a bunch of Alter Personalities that may be part of a cult, and it’s the Primary Presenter, or some other non-cult-loyal Primary Personality, who seeks the Lord. In general, it happens like this. One finds that life stinks. There is all the chaos of DID and who knows what else, and in desperation some Primary Personality reaches out to God. God honors that. The person can be saved and live in relationship with Jesus Christ, all the while other parts are in the cult. I did that for decades. It’s also very common that many churches have one or more cult people in the church who don’t know they are in a cult. Cults infiltrate churches very easily that way.

If parts of you are loyal to Satan and the cult, Jesus won’t interfere with their free-will decision! During the healing journey, in order to be set free and delivered, those parts need to decide to break their vows and declare allegiance to Jesus. I’ve argued innumerable times with pastors who don’t understand DID at all, and they totally don’t comprehend this. It’s been the experience of every inner healing minister I know of that individual parts, especially Primary Personalities, exert their own free will that is honored by God. Now…..in some cases, a Primary Personality CAN make a free will choice that supersedes the choices made by the parts that were split from her/him by dissociation. I’ve seen it happen. It’s up to Jesus. Nonetheless, my point is that someone with DID needs to get as many Primary Personalities in alignment with God as possible for the inner healing work to move forward.

False Trinity: As noted in Hearing God, the One True and Living God has three persons – Father, Son/Jesus, and Holy Spirit. Satan is the Father of all Lies (John 8:44). In the process of programming/brainwashing children into the cult, there are various methods used to teach children that God in any form is really evil, and Satan is good. There are thousands of ways this is done. A HUGE amount of effort is spent to make children fear and/or hate Jesus, but all parts of the Godhead are targeted.

In the cult God the Father is usually presented as an extremely evil, hateful, spiteful, dangerous spiritual being. He’s like the worst horror story of a father that one can imagine (and unfortunately many children’s real dads are just this bad). God is the cult punisher. Children are taught that if they don’t obey, God will come and kill/beat/torture….. You get the point. Very few cult-associated parts want anything to do with The Father. In the healing journey, one can actually get beyond the imagery the cult used re God-as-divine-punisher, but in my experience, it’s the embedded realization of who a father is, as defined by their own human father figure, that is hard to break. I know MANY “every day” Christians who are afraid of The Father and have no relationship with God the Father, because of their dad. I had a TERRIBLE time with this, as do many of those I work with. In many cults the child doesn’t even know a dad, but they have a cult attachment figure (often but not always a man) who is their “dad”. This is one evil dude. All the good/bad conflicts that are possible to create in this attachment are used to make the child not trust, yet long for love. Therefore, the image of God is hateful, spiteful, revengeful, evil, and utterly untrustworthy – the opposite of Truth.

Cults spend an enormous effort on making Jesus into an evil being who will interfere with your life and may even kill you. Children in extreme conditions are taught to call upon Jesus for help. There is an endless variation on what can happen. A child could be made to call for Jesus and then punished for it. A child is encouraged to keep calling and no one comes, thus confirming that Jesus is not going help. A Jesus-type figure actually comes and on various occasions does help, or makes fun of the situation, or demands worse punishment. It’s the norm for any cult Jesus-impostors to be rapists and to participate in sacrifices as the child watches. They watch knowing they could be the next victim. Through programming, it’s common for an Alter Personality to be trained to BE a false Jesus and either offer false hope, prevent crying out to the real Jesus, and/or to be an internal punisher. In inner healing ministries, sorting out the false alter-Jesuses (and there can be many) from the real Jesus is a top priority.

Holy Spirit is vilified as being a bad actor among all of the many demonic beings involved in cult rituals and programming. Holy Spirit, even in a fake form, is still viewed as a spirit. 100% of cults have a demonic spiritual component. Cults seek power from the spirit realm and worship evil spiritual beings of various ranks. Children are eventually taught to seek demons, to worship Satan or some other high ranking being, and often the source of evil powers comes from a false Holy Spirit. Kundalini, Queen of Heaven, and Black Virgin are a few among many names for this entity or entities. Therefore, when doing ministry, it’s critical that one make sure that the minister and the survivor are not connecting with an impostor Holy Spirit. I think many have been warned about discerning a false Jesus. Few are as attuned to making sure they are not connected to a false Holy Spirit.

The only way out of entanglement with one or more aspects of a false trinity is to 1. Be looking for it, and 2. Meet the real deal. I think there is a GREAT deal more that needs to be learned here in inner healing/ deliverance circles. In order to heal, a Primary Personality must be saved – trust in Jesus (more here). Then they need to begin to develop a relationship with God (Hearing God). Next, I highly recommend the renunciations against Satan’s Counterfeit Religious System found on the Restoration in Christ website (RCM). (Actually, all their renunciations are well worth a good look.) Eventually, each part of the system who holds lies about any part of the True Godhead, needs to find help from a pastor, counselor, or prayer minister who is Spirit-filled and able to lead them into a face-to-face meeting with God – usually Jesus. While there are many rational arguments as to how God honors free will, never harms, loves, etc. (the opposite of Satan), The Presence of the One True and Living God – even as viewed from a distance – is normally enough to convince the part to give Jesus a chance to talk about who He is. Note that it’s critical that the counselor/helper NOT go against the survivor part’s free will. Even within a system, I never recommend one part forcing another to turn to God. Generally, if there is an objection, in the long run it’s much more healing to uncover the lies believed about God and undo those. Then try again.

Demons: Where to start? There are lots of books/websites on how demons attach to people and influence them. Bottom line: Any severe trauma, sexual abuse, open invitations via experimenting with or participating in occult practices (especially habitually), repeated giving in to sin, curses, judgments, ungodly soul ties (to be discussed in another blog), and generational curses are among the common causes of demonic attachment. Thus, in my opinion, it’s a rare person with DID who doesn’t have some level of demonic oppression, i.e. demons make their lives miserable by at a minimum increasing the pain of worthlessness, loneliness, depression, etc. The opposite is a totally demon possessed person who has covenanted with Satan 100% and demons rule them……which is found in cults, but these are not the people trying to get free. In between are the survivors with DID/SRA who have layers and layers of Primary and Alter Personalities, most of them attached to demons by either the trauma of how they were formed, specific demonization through rituals, curses and witchcraft by various groups, and as a consequence of all the lies about God they are taught. It’s actually quite common for very young children to be taught to talk with demons as friends. Demons don’t want you to know God – period. They will block your prayers, your capacity to read the Bible, your desire to seek God, and how you think about God in general. Demons empower programming, some of which will surely be aimed at inhibiting you from developing a real relationship with God. For any Holy Spirit-filled Christians, demons are a nuisance. We have authority over them. But a Primary or Alter Personality to which they are attached in some way agrees with them, so even if they are cast out, the demons are able to return. Ministry is needed to discover how and why the demons are there. Repent, forgive, renounce vows, etc. – whatever gives the demons the right to be there, and then cast them out, and they’ll stay out. As more and more demons are given the boot, the ease of connecting with God increases. There is much less interference within.

Other blocks: There are many other aspects in DID/SRA/MC (mind control) that can block one from finding God. Note that government mind control uses the cult tactics and demonization to accomplish the same evil purposes. Generally, governments get their subjects from among DID/SRA victims as children. Much could be written on how various programs interfere with any relationship with God. In addition to demons, in Satanism or Luciferianism there is attachment to and control by very high level fallen evil beings that can’t be removed by routine deliverance techniques. Such survivors need to find help to extract them from these attachments. There are all sorts of generational entanglements that have been uncovered that are used by cults (cults very often being generational in nature). In these cases, survivors are controlled by decisions made many generations ago, and they need help discerning the causes and removing them. The good thing is that GOD KNOWS ALL THIS. NOTHING IS HIDDEN FROM HIM. Therefore, with spiritual discernment, and in some cases with not a whole lot of help, some survivors can find God and learn how to discern what needs to be done to get free. THERE ARE NO INHIBITIONS TO FINDING GOD THAT GOD CAN’T AND WON’T REMOVE, IF YOU ASK HIM.

Spiritual Abuse: Let me talk about the most painful subject I can imagine. MOST survivors, esp. if they have an SRA background, don’t do well in Christian churches. It’s a very rare church that even wants to hear about SRA, not to mention support those who are trying to escape and heal; they don’t even want to hear about sexual abuse in general. Most know little about demonization. None of them understand programming. As a consequence, survivors get hurt by well-meaning, but uninformed Christians. DID/SRA people have lots of issues. They often don’t fit in. Pastors don’t understand why they counsel and people don’t get better. Everything then becomes the survivor’s fault who “doesn’t have enough faith/ doesn’t repent or forgive enough/ is in secret sin….” Some are even accused of doing witchcraft; actually they may BE doing witchcraft via a part inside and not know it. I know LOTS of survivors who LOVE God, but have been so wounded in churches, they don’t have a faith fellowship. For those survivors who hardly know God and try to find God in a church, the church may be the final blow to keeping them from finding Him. I hate that, but I hear it all the time. IF YOU ARE IN THAT CIRCUMSTANCE, DON’T LET A GROUP OF PEOPLE KEEP YOU FROM THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP YOU’LL EVER HAVE! Contact me!!!!!! God LOVES you. He wants you absolutely free. Churches are NOT the place to go to get free in most instances. There are Christian counselors and Christian ministries that specialize in helping survivors get free.

God is our healer. All healing comes from God. He alone can get you totally free. Being DID/SRA/MC is not a life sentence for isolation from God. In fact, He cares for you deeply. There is a growing body of people who have dedicated their lives to helping people like you and me get free. They do it with God – all of God. The results are WAY beyond becoming functional in your multiplicity. Find God. Press in. Seek help from a ministry that deals with SRA.

Please feel free to leave comments below. If you have specific questions, by all means Contact Me.